over the past 2 days i learned a lot. thanks for talking to me mona and tammy. im glad some stuff finally came out. ive been thinking a lot the past week or so. ive been blaming god mostly for what happen but i realized it isnt him. hes doing this to me for a reason. maybe to test my will or maybe to test my faith i dont know yet. but i will remain strong and hopefully this time he will let it work out in my favor. i may have slipped a few times thinking about killing myself a few times this week, degrading myself, allowing myself to slip into a depression far past those ive been in before. but each time i came out stronger, and i think this will be the same way. im ready for anything god or whoever is testing me with. i will win. i have friends backing me up and talking to me about stuff. i just want to thank everybody for helping me, talking to me, being there for me. everyone believes that things will get better and i know they will. i want it to be back to the way it used to be. when i couldnt wait to wake up every morning and hear her voice, when i didnt want to leave her because i missed her as soon as i did. i still do love her and in my heart i believe i will someday be back with her and happy again. I just want to be happy in life and i Want her to be happy as well. and i think i can be the person that makes her happy. Some people say that young love is fake but i think that is a crock of shit. i loved her with all my heart and anyone who ever seen me and her can be a witness to that. i would do what ever it took to make her happy, because that made me happy. and i know she loved me and i think in the bottom of my heart she still does.
This is some of the stuff that has been making me emo the past week or so.
